Ties and milk...(goes with suits and cookies)

So I learned something today. I learned how to tie a tie. Incredubly easier than what I thought it would be. I guess tying ties gets bad press just like breastfeeding does. The media for some reason wants to make people think they are both really hard, but like most things, pop culture is simply being extreme and over the top. I just don't see who benefits from the ties seeming difficult. I'm sure that the formula companies are paying film makers to make breastfeeding seem unappealing, but who is paying the movies to make tying a tie seem so hard? The clip-on tie guys???

Speaking of breastfeeding and formula... Did you know that there was a formula recall. Let me say it again: A Formula Recall! Ha. I think it's hilarious! Ok, and sad for all the simalac customers. I got a note in the mail telling me that I shouldn't feed my baby formula. And hey that's what I've been saying all along. I digress.

This thing that happens...

There is this thing that happens. This thing thats happens about once a year. It begins in september, maybe october, and continues through to december. It has to do with a very important day in my life, its called: "my birthday."

Being mildly narsisitic, as most of my generation is, or being what I may better perfer to term as "healthfully self aware," My birthday to me is more or less my favorite national holiday. If, it were infact able to be called such. The reality is that my birthday actually competes with a national holiday, making pumpkin pie something that makes my brain shout, "birthday!" and i somehow feel that large parades and buffs-cornhusker football games are in my honer. I am not sure if it is the competition, or if it is simply the "(ice cream) Castle in the sky" mentality of this little dreamer, But to me BIRTHDAY is a big deal. A very big deal. It is infact, enough of a big deal that i don't have my birthdate posted on my facebook profile. I dont' want a bunch of well meaning oneliners on my wall from people who cant remeber what month my birthday is in without having their facebook calender tell them. I don't want a bunch of "Hey happy birthday, but i don't have time to write you anything else"s. Its not that im a hater, its just that probably, i won't be "moved" by these things. I want a card, telling me what you see in me, or a phone call. I want something that will move me, inspire me, bring out the whimsical girl in me. Something to dress up for. Something to calm down for. I want a surprise. I want to know that i am wanted, noticed, appreciated. Inspiring, Challenging, Admired. If you birthday me, i want to know its not because something popped up on your screen, and you were like, "oh, duh, its mary's birthday yo." This is my birthday mentality.

So because I have such Chocolate pie in the sky ideas, every year, come september or October, I find myself in a place, a very healthy place. A place where i am re-evaluating my life, the people who speak into my life, and the people whose lives i speak into. I find myself asking God who should be key players in my life, and just in season i start drafting my very own football team, so to speak. But beyond just "drafting my team" I also start writing out my play book and making my plans for this years season... the "two a days" the team spirit, the "superbowl." all i need is to get some superbowl sponsers, and i will be good to go.

So here i am, pondering, What does the Lord have for me this year? Where are we going lord, what are we doing. Who is going to be involved? And who is going to win this year... The buffs or the cornhuskers?

Dress so far

here is the pattern i made for my silk dress. Obviously thumbnail size, then i drew it up, with a twisty crayon onto the silk. I really liked using the twisty crayon. Much better than pen.

Sew Long.

Its been a long time since i have been on. I realize this. But while i have stopped blogging, i haven't stopped sewing. Today i bought stuff for making ME some dresses. Oh dear.

So with silk i plan to make myself a black and tan dress.
With Cotton i plan to make myself a blue and black dress.
If i get enough energy to make myself some lovely patterns.
But at least, if nothing else, i have plenty of elastic thread and also sewing pens if i should need them.
Which i will, because i am sewing with silk here people.

Colorado projects

These are the sha-bang, baby, this is where it is at. These are the projects i started in colorado with some of my mothersday money. They are both hand stitched because I didn't have a sewing machine at the time!

Week Three, A meeting with reality

This week i have had a house guest all week, and did not get started on any project until just now. I have been watching dancing online, and am rather frustrated, because i realize that there are 6 year olds who are better at dancing than I am. Way better. But it comes back to What i have shared with you about my sewing "dare." I never stick with things and become great. I am constantly being ok at tons of things, but rarely do i focus my energies. I can pursue as many things as is right for each season of my life, but if i flit about from one to another, Then i don't end up being successful at anything. I want to be the person who does each thing in life with precision and perseverance.
So I got up from watching Dance online, tried to stretch my leg above my head, (ahha! nice try sukka). I got myself a small bowl of ice cream and got to work. Which was a good plan since, really, i have been waiting all day for this time of solitude so that i can SEW! First of all, I finished my little project that i was working on earlier today. It is beautiful in my head. In actuality, my pattern needs some adjustments. It just didn't translate well from my head to the material. But it is in there. Just needs some tweeking. I want the arms to be longer and the feet to stand out better. But over all, i like it. Its a good start. And i just happened upon some purple yarn that matched with the pattern. So I opted for purple hair instead of the original plan of having funky ears.

Glitz fish started out pretty simple, and ended up getting some fun hot pink flair, just caz. I couldn't resist.

Both were harder than i thought, not because they were in nature actually that hard, but because i haven't really ever done anything like this, so there were lots of little details i over looked and had to go back and fix.


I did it!
"A little surprise" and Glitz Fish:

Second Week Projects.

I just finished my second Project of officially week two.
First off let me apologize for no pictures, and for there probably being no humor. I am too tired to write as good as i would like, my humor is turned off, (because its past ten) and my model, AKA addison, is fast asleep. But i am doing this now so it doesn't get neglected and thrown to the side in favor of doing the dishes or walking by the lake tomorrow.

For my first project I took a skirt I bought at rue 21 about 6 years ago for 6 bucks and made it into a dress for addison. I just thought that the flowers were too bold for a grown woman to be wearing, but would look cute on a girl, so i cut it up, and made it a dress. It looks much better as such. I added some ribbon that i already had and, ta-da! I took the "tool" off from the bottom so it is more casual, but it is still sleek and summerie. For my second project I took some material i had bought with my mother's day money and a 6 month old dress that addison is wearing as a little shirt, and basically just imitated what was done with this dress. I should have made a pattern, (I did make a pattern for the top bit, but flew by the seat of my pants for the skirt bit ) I kind of messed it up the back piece of the skirt, but, it turned out ok: It had a little Customization! It also ended up longer than the first dress/shirt...Which is good for a quickly growing girl. This dress was probably the first project i have ever sewn using elastic. It is the first time i can remember using elastic. So i feel proud of myself.

Also, I found out that my sewing machine does something very similar to "serging" which is great. That means i don't have to buy a new one. OR actually, it means i don't have to wish i could buy a new one. I found out some other features on my machine because i sent my mom's sewing machine back to colorado, so I had to get my sewing machine out. While i was getting it out I tried a few new settings i had never paid attention to before, because i never really got serious about sewing when i was younger.
I am really excited about my sewing machine...I haven't really used it tons since i got it. It was a graduation present from my grandma and grandpa, and It made me a bit sentemental to finally have it out and be using it. I thought, "she knew, my grandma Evie just knew that someday i would want this and need this. She just knew." And i thought maybe I should name my clothing line "Evelyn" in honor of her. (my mom will read this, and not let me ever change it now. Its just a thought though. Its not in stone.) Maybe just "Ev". Or maybe i will name it something totally different. It has to fit just right, you know?


Finaly, these are the things i am hoping to sew next, whether i sew them tomorrow, or sew them as next week's projects:
A stuffed whale
A stuffed canary
A stuffed Fishie
A hat for Jaiden and one for addison
A Square bottomed purse
Some Specialty blankets (cant tell you the nature of these, so my ideas don't get "stollen" Ha Ha! Yeah right.)

Until next time or maybe until next week,
~m~

My life:

The sunshine is flying into my house through the windows. The sound of construction and city is outside, and a nice breeze surounds me.
My daughter, 1.5 years old, is trying to get into my post-natal work out dvd, and is eating the crackers that she previously poured onto the living room floor. "hi mommy. Yeah. Cracker. Mommy, pappa, baby, mammy. poopy. now. cheese." The murmer continues. My son is making crawling motions on his jungle blanki in his jungle animal onesie, and my husband is preparing to sell our truck, we hope. As for me, i am sitting on the couch in my workout clothes, trying to think of the perfect intro for the random bits and pieces of the last month of my life.

Addison: addison and i are working on what normal americans call "potty training." I don't find that these words really sum up what we are working towards, but i'll use them because then you know what i am talking about. "potty training" is complicated. It is a child becoming aware of the toilet and their own body, and the parent becoming aware of their child. it is taking your kid to the bathroom every single time the say "poopy" because the one time you think they are just goofing off, (after taking them 4 times in the last 20 minutes) that is the time they poop in their little undies. And guess who gets to clean those undies? That's right, the parent. Its taking your kid to the bathroom right away, so they don't pee on you. Nice. It is having cloth diapers and disposables, and big kid undies and training pants and rubber pants and having to be the one who figures out which ones your kid should be wearing at this exact moment. It is waiting, sitting on the bathtub edge for the hundred and twentieth time today. last but not least, it is giving your kid mini marshmallows, because they did actually do what you are trying to get them to do... so you celebrate a little. This is all what the words "potty training" mean.
Besides this, there is also a lot of new talking going on. a few of my favorites are "sune-shine" and "caw-C" (coffee)... and that she crys mornfully "annie, annie" to her raggedy ann doll when we put her in her bed, as though annie is the only one who understands her deep pain.

Jaiden is doing well also, grinning so much, and half laughing. His eyes have gone blue, his hair is constantly getting more yellow. He looks like he is trying to crawl, but isn't really getting anywhere yet of course.

Racine continues to treat us well. We love being able to see the lake from our front door! I am so excited about "pictch in racine" (a project to help make recycling easier for busy moms like me) . josh and i saw people get busted for PLAYING IN THE FOUNTAIN which is so silly. Now maybe if they could bust some of the 6th street drama, that would be great. Josh and i are simply enjoying the beauty of summer, we love walking together, beaches, and homegroup cookouts (Corn on the cob please!!!!) I wish we had a garden on the rooftop we overlook...but we have specifically been told not to go out their. Which means for father's day josh will not be getting a grill, because where in the world would we put it?? I am also really, really wanting to paint. We need some color here!

I worked on some projects (of the fashion design/ sewwing nature) while i was in colorado, as well as watching Julia and julie. In julia and julie, julie says that she never follows through with anything. I thought... "that is me" So i have been thinking, and think that i want to do two sewing projects a week, for the next year. My sewing day of choice, which i had purposed to sew on even before watching J&J is tuesday. There was a specific reason for tuesdays.... I just don't remember why. This week i finished a girly onesie and took a white house, black market shirt that was handmedown-ed to me, and made it into a shirt for addison. Quite pleased with the results. I am not necessarily jumping on the band wagon with the whole "upcycle" movement, but let me tell you, using old clothes rather than buying material, is way cheaper. Way way. now i don't have to worry so much about if i will be able to do two projects a week, because as far as recourses go, Im good. Now, as long as i can just keep up my steam. and ok... i do love the idea of upcycling. it is pretty lovely. And i love the idea of making your own paterns... caz i just hate cutting patterns out. That has always been my down fall as far as sewwing goes.

Finally, I come up with a new motto, "good eating starts with good grocery shoping." Josh and i are trying to radically reduce the amount of sugar we eat. So we we have more protien, more fiber, more ezekial bread, and more coffee. Because i love coffee. And its just as good as ice cream or brownies. Maybe better.

There are so many other random ends that i feel i should tie down somewhere, like starting to work out at 530 in the morning, or the fact that sytycd is back on tv, and is the only show i have watched religiously since wishbone! I could say that i just keep thinking and thinking about scott Goodwills teaching on suffering, and that it is taking me to school! I could tell you that i am currently wearing both my and my husbands wedding rings on my left hand, (his ring has gotten too small for him, so i am keeping it from getting lost till we get him one that fits). Josh just refinished a really sweet looking coffee table. For no logical reason at all, i have my radio in my car set to the country station, and that i am rethinking my "mafia" stratagy because i am tired of being so horrible when i get a black card... and i could tell you that we just sold the truck! Yay!
I wish this was more wimsical, more poetic, more something. But its just a whole lot of whats going on. As a country singer says (Wait...really? im quoting country singers now???) "lets talk about Meeeeeeee!"

40 weeks and a day

The last time I was pregnant, I was pregnant for 43 weeks. oh yes, if you go by the due date of the doctor it was only 41 and a half weeks, but if you go by the way of nature, I was 43 weeks. 43. That isn't 9 months pregnant, thats ten. If you are counting.

People start to psyc you out, and you start feeling crazy.
The funny thing about being pregnant this time around is that, although i have more at stake, Attempting a VBAC (why does a girl have to say "attempting" Why can't the medical people let us use a word that sounds mildly more hopeful, like, STRIVING TOWARD or Heroically perusing) I am high risk (gestational diabetes) and when i come home i have Two, not one, kids to take care of (I mean Addison and Jaiden, all you jokers who call your husband a kid... I am NOT calling Josh a kid, if i was, i would have said three.) And finally, i want to have a natural birth, so that someday I can write a book about it and teach birthing classes. Yet besides these things making it more important for me to have the birth that I want, I think i am really less stressed about it. The first time around, the world feels like it is going to end if you don't have this baby. And while i have never met anyone who was 18 or 24 months pregnant, people around you start convincing you that you might end up being eternally pregnant.

But the second time around, some how, is different. You know from experience, that you will sometime soon stop being pregnant, get to meet your little bundle, and go from sleeping poorly, to waking up 3-4 times a night to feed a little someone. And by this time you have figured out that people are crazy. So when they tell you "you will have this baby on saturday" you respond with, "thanks, you too." Instead of writing it on your calender.

The other thing that is weird about having your second child is that Labor is a totally different mind game. I remember sitting in the bath tub, reading my "ina May" book (famous midwife) and thinking that maybe a C-section would be the easy way out. No craziness, no ripping or tearing. No two, or three day labor. No pain. Just out comes the baby, and they sew you back up. No big deal.
Of course, I knew that wasn't really true, but it sounded really really nice. I wanted someone to tell me that i could have a painless labor. That it would take two hours and i would be laughing. That i wouldn't bleed afterwards.
This time, things have reversed. I know that Getting cut open hurts for a lot lot longer than labor does, and that having staples running around your abdomen like a barbwire fence is much less comfortable than it even is good looking. I know what it is like to have your newborn sleep all the time because they are doped up on your percocet and ibuprofen... Which you are still taking because, face it, you don't like feeling like your guts are being ripped apart ever time you stand up or sit down or rolll over. And, besides knowing what it is like to have had a c-section, I know what it is like to wonder. Wonder what it could have been like, if i hadn't had one. It is taboo in america i know, to question a Doctor's decision or sorry, strong strong suggestion. People tell you things like "you would have died in the prairie, be thankful for modern medicine." (i am thankful! Percocet is AMAZING) And "well maybe that was God's plan for you"
I am sorry to say, but these are NOT encouraging. Really. Yes I am glad i am not living in a wagon wearing a hoop skirt trying to birth. And Yes, I am glad to not live in africa, and fear dying of blood loss or cross contamination because of bad medical conditions. But as far as i am concerned, c-sections are like divorce... They can save your life, occasionally, but usually they are just a bad choice someone made, that leaves a big scar.
but also like divorce, people don't want you to talk about it. They perfer that you just pretend everything is ok.
Its not that i think The doctor was absolutely wrong. Its just that i really honestly don't know. I didn't feel protected, I feel pressured. I didn't feel Respected, I felt rushed and like i was a big annoyance.

Beyond all this though, Labor is something that I have seen differently. It is a huge power. Inside you. Big enough to scare you. Something you can't control. And we are afraid of things we cant control. Yet this power brings us the most precious thing; a baby to hold and to kiss. And strong labor means affective labor. And i am thinking, oh dear, how much of these statements am i going to regret in the very near future.

I have talked to alot of women, and read alot of books, and it seems to me that the biggest thing that enables a woman to cope with this powerful crashing wave called labor is... no, not an epedural. But confidence, support, words, encouragement. All the things that Get a person through a day, these are the things that Get a woman through her labor. Tell me that I am strong, tell me that I am brave, tell me that I am going to make it out alive... without spliting in half, or being eternally pregnant. Without telling me that i would have died on the prairie. Tell me that I am going to hold a little bundle, and that its little wet hair is going to be curly the first week. Tell me that This won't keep going on forever. patience, don't try to rush a woman who is giving birth, don't try to interrupt her to get her to tell you her opinion. If she has an opinion and she wants you to know it, (she is in labor remember) I am sure she will tell you loud and clear. Laboring women don't tend to hold back for the sake of political correctness. (although i have felt the pressure of being politically correct during birth. and it definitely holds the process back.)

The great thing about giving birth is that, its all over. and then you sit there and know that you are a heck of a lot stronger than you thought you were 24 hours ago. Because if anyone had told you how hard it would be, you would have freaked out. But When you do it, and come through it, you suddenly know that you can do anything. (except maybe become an olympic figure skater. You can alway dream though) And you hold a little bundle in your hands (if your hands are functional at this point) and kiss that little face, and know something of true love, and deep sincerity, and wonder what God thought, when he first made adam.

I used to blog...

There was a time in my life when i blogged. I vaguely remember it. I used to write what i was thinking, how i was doing, who i was becoming. Then i met facebook. And Now Instead of saying what i think, or how i feel, or where i am at, I spend my time commenting on other people's one line lifes. Usually with a bit of sarcasm. Sadly. I like my relationship with facebook. But I don't think I really want to be seeing facebook exclusively so to speak. I have seen a few different people's blogs lately, and they have made me want to start using words and sentences again. So here i come, world.

Maybe there is a reason I don't write as much now. It might have something to do with the fact that, addison likes to be on the right side of the computer, pushing the power button about every 15 seconds. Or it could have to do with her liking to be on the left side, hitting the cap lock. It might have something to do with all of my energy being used to make a baby, wash dishes, workout, or abstain from delicious sugary substances. You never know.
I love to write. I think that words are beautiful. I love to write more than i love to talk, sometimes i love it more than i even love to read. I definately love it more than talking on the phone. I would rather lose my phone. Not that i ever do it on purpose. but maybe i will sometime.

I have very limited intelligence as i write this. My eyelids are barely open. The only reason I am NOT taking a nap is because Addison is trying to fall asleep in my room. Her room is currently being used as a work shop. So as soon as she is asleep, I will take a nap, but until then, i am trying to keep my eyelids open and stay awake. This happens quite often, me, trying to stay awake, but not succeeding in my idea of the true definition of "awake." (which is defined by oxford, simply as this "not asleep") Perhaps this lack of mental awareness, or being fully awake, and 100% NOT sleeping, perhaps this is why I haven't been writing anything. Because mindlessly commenting on other people's lives is so much easier than talking about your own.